Manchester: the c-word….
Congestion.
I don’t normally use this blog for sounding off, its really just meant as somewhere for me to store my photographs, but sometimes you come across something that makes you laugh, so you just have to share it.
A couple of days ago a friend asked whether I had seen the leaflet outlining Manchester Councils brave new vision for the future of transport, I admitted I hadn’t, I have a feeling that the dog may have ‘recycled’ it as he does with most of the spam that comes through the door, “anyway” they continued “I thought you may be interested because in this vision of traffic utopia the pamphlet mentioned the word ‘cycle’ a grand total of 1 times.”
Now this did interest me, I have all but given up driving around Manchester, as it happens I think the cycling facilities around South Manchester for cyclists are pretty good – but as with anywhere could do with improving and when I heard about this 3bn transport overhaul I was keen to know how this would facilitate cyclists…. it seems it doesn’t.
So on seeing an ad in the paper I went to the website:
www.gmfuturetransport.co.uk
Where apparently ‘we have got to tackle congestion together’ and ‘doing nothing is not an option’ – neither, it would seem is cycling. I got tired pretty quickly of the rhetoric and cut right to the chase – is cycling even mentioned at all on this site?:
a grand total of 3 times. Some vision for a £3 billion package of changes that “could also cut our carbon emissions and help us to tackle climate change”
.
So, feeling a little deflated* I continued browsing around the site, and my attention was immediately grabbed by the case studies, real people with real stories about how the new travel plans will affect them, people like Terry from Rochdale:
“Terry”, we are told, “is a self employed van driver who makes several deliveries across Greater Manchester from 7am.”"
it gets better, Tony is just like us, “Terry likes to go to football matches and because they are out of peak times, he doesn’t have to pay.”
This is just great, If the new travel plans don’t affect Tony the van driver who likes football why should they affect me? look at Tony with his carefree laugh, but then why should tony care, if the van driving doesn’t work out he could always take up modelling like his uncannily similar looking doppelganger from Seattle: Erich Dalke
Hang on I think i have discovered why Tony is so laid back about this whole congestion charge thingy:
Next in the real life people with real life stories, who are just like you and even live in Manchester, we have Ann from Ashton
Ann is doing well for herself, not only is she “a solicitor who lives in Ashton and drives to work in central Manchester to start work at 9am every day.” but she also appears to be a succesful model called Kiki on the side… as well as world champion gold fish starer:
Next up is Rachel from Trafford:
Hang on a minute…. I’m beginning to suspect… now call me a paranoid old conspiracy theorist… but I’m beginning to get suspicious of these local people who are just like me and you, because they all happen to be models on the side…. they also seem to be based in the United States…..
Last up is Neil from Beswick….
Now “Neil is out of work and only just manages to afford to keep his car on the road. It’s essential for him to drive to see his elderly mum and his auntie on Sunday afternoons. He lives in Beswick and needs to drive to their house in Harpurhey” So the last thing Neil needs on top of a congestion charge is someone risking his dole by shopping him in for his sideline in modelling – no one likes a snitch.
So… real stories from real people. real people on different continents, who may or not be the ‘real people’ that the council has sought out to sell us their dream of a car and bike free revenue stream…
Its all a bit embarrasing really, PR companies, you can avoid this embarrasment in the future by perhaps using real live local people, with real live local photographers to take real live photos – we aren’t as cheap as penny stock outlets like istockphoto.com and shutterstock.com but i’ll wager it causes clients less embarassment when word gets out.
*DYSWIDT?
29. June 2007 at 14:37
This means war
29. June 2007 at 14:49
Real men cycle to work. And they get so hot & sweaty that they spend the early part of the day sitting in the office dressed only in their grunts. I think its quite offensive really but its still not as offensive as the council’s marketing campaign.
1. July 2007 at 19:48
Being a Manchester resident I can say the transport policy falls short of other major European cities.
The trams that they have lauded about for years stop running just after midnight. So when there are lots of people in the city center wanting to get home from pubs or clubs they have to get a bus or taxi.
The bus routes tend to follow the students, with lots of busses down Oxford road to the halls of resi or main student areas. There are very few busses that go across town.
There is a poor train service from the airport but it is hardly intergrated.
The expansion of the tram service is not going to plan. However, they have used some of the proposed route from Barlowmoor Road to Withington as a cycle way, which is good. It has been tarmacd and sign posted. But, some of the exits have been fenced off making it useless. The route to Chorlton and on to Old Trafford or even down to Didsbury and beyond has not been done and is an overgrown mess that is hard to walk down, let alone cycle.
So whilst the city has ready built cycle ways, in the form of the old, disused railway network they are not being used, forcing cycle traffic onto busy roads. They dont even have consistent cycle ways down these major routes. With cycles lanes stopping or only lasting for a few hundred meters.
The dubious and yet patronising leaflet they sent out sums up all this hypocracy. The mancunian phrase “Fur coat and no knickers” sums it up. It looks good, but it aint. It would be interesting to see the pay scales for the Passenger “Executive”, or GuMPTEy as its pronounced, or to find out how many of them even live in the city and how the get to work.
1. July 2007 at 20:40
I salute you! That is great work. You are the Columbo of Manchester!
1. July 2007 at 22:34
thanks all – its a shame as istockphoto seem to have taken down the links to erich and kiki, but both are models on that site.
5. July 2007 at 22:15
I cannot beleive you found these people by yourself. You’ve changed man. Good article though, well done.
9. July 2007 at 13:31
As requsted, random congestion thoughts and thingies:
1. The council are daft for thinking they could get away with it (the models).
2. Can we trust people this dumb to come up with something useful.
3. The plans are at best half-r’sed and unclear on key things making it impossible to draw an opinion.
4. Funding for metrolink was already secured then nicked for the London Cross Link thingy and now Manchester have to prove they are doing something about congestion to get the money back again WTF?
5. No plans for cycling included, this should including a road repair scheme for what are the worst roads in the country as far as I can make out especially at the sides of roads where cycle routes are.
6. Why do people already living in the zones have to pay at all (Hulme, Rushholme, Moss Side, Stretford etc not exactly rich areas)?
And this from a mini-clarkson……..my shame is complete.
14. July 2007 at 16:10
Thanks for exposing this. It says it all really, GMPTE has zero interest in actually consulting with local people because they already *know* most of us oppose this deeply unfair tax. Instead we get propaganda and disinformation in glossy leaflets, telling us to shut up and let our superiors do what’s best for us. Of course their huge salaries ensure they won’t be affected. Their arrogant hypocrisy is truly sickening.
I notice their site STILL says “Terry from Rochdale” etc, even after their lies were exposed on the BBC news website. Have the bastards no shame at all?
25. July 2007 at 19:45
recognise this guy:
18. April 2009 at 10:37
[...] used, lens type etc – all very useful, also adding more information for filing – remember that Manchester congestion thingy I rumbled? I did that by looking at the exif data for one of the photos, after seeing ‘mom [...]